The Shivers of life

via Daily Prompt: Shiver



I’ve had a rough life! I’ve made it through living with a hoarder, a split family, molestation, pregnancy at 13, Meth addiction, Loss of my father when I was 28, a divorce at 30 and much much more. I’m a survivor!

I thought my divorce was the end of me. I NEVER wanted to feel that hurt again. I always put myself in a position to be hurt… I fell too easy. A friend had a hard time through his divorce. I listened… he fell in love. I didn’t want anything more than friendship. Two years into our friendship he was fixing my car as he always did when I needed him. I spent the day watching him fix my car, keeping his daughter occupied and I felt at home. That evening, I realized I too was in love. Two months later we were married.

We have been married for 13 months yesterday. This man is the real deal! He makes the way he makes me Shiver seem effortless. It’s not all about his touch. He looks at me the way no other has ever looked at me before. I can see the love in his eyes, even when we are not at our best times… that look is still there. The little things he does. Bringing me a flower just because. Playing our song when either one of us has had a bad day. He actually plays our song EVERY night before he comes to bed. He’s been known on slow days to randomly come home just to kiss me. I think the most powerful shiver came at a heartbreaking moment.

Recently, Our sister in-law’s sister was hit by a drunk driver while jogging early in the morning. We were all heartbroken on so many levels. Jenna was a beautiful woman inside and out. I played volleyball with her in high school and watched her incredible bond with her sister. I worked with her after she graduated and was there in the beginning of her relationship with her now husband. That man was no doubt completely in love with her from the start. She was days from turning 33 and this amazing mother of a 4 year old and wife was gone. She died because she jumped in front of a drunk driver to push her friend out of the way.

I could not attend the visitation due to some health issues, Jeff went. He comes home and gives me the tightest hug I have ever had. I asked how everyone was doing. I have never seen this side of my husband. His eyes filled with tears, his voice cracking. “You can see the hell in Brandon’s eyes. He has lost his true love and somehow has to explain to a 4 year old child why mommy’s not coming home. Brody (our 9 year old nephew) is angry. Amanda and her parents are completely lost. If I lost you or one of the kids, I don’t think I could survive. I would completely break if I had to explain to our daughter that mommy wasn’t coming home. I know that you would be the same way. Jenna left thinking she was coming right back. No matter how big of a hurry we are in… no one leaves this house without a kiss and an I love you.” Listening to him and the realization that Forever sometimes isn’t long enough sent that kind of shiver that almost makes you sick.

Since that day, we have not left the house without a kiss and I love you. He has been on me pretty hard about our wills, burial plots, and the hard decisions. I can’t… I just can’t yet. Imagining my life without him is too much. The thought of leaving him is just as hard. This man loves me the way Brandon loves Jenna. For the first time in my life I know what true love is. While I know that it needs done, it just scares the hell out of me to pre-write the ending to my fairy-tale.






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