One step forward, two steps back – the struggle of a Neophyte

via Daily Prompt: Neophyte

Neophyte – a newbie, a beginner

I’ve had this blog for over two years. My goal was to make it a daily blog of my journey into becoming a better me, a better wife/mother/step-mother. Things in life got complicated, I got distracted. My journey didn’t end, the path just went a little askew. This week, I made the decision that I’m going to get back on track and even if it’s only once a week….. there will be a post.

Setting goals and being “Ms. Suzy Homemaker” made me the happiest I have ever felt. My husband used to cringe at the thought of me browsing on Pinterest. I was asked the other day if he needed to pick anything up for any projects…. I took that as a hint.

When you start new routines it’s a challenge to let go of the old routine. If you forget to get those eight glasses of water in, the exercise routine, whatever it is… do not just convince yourself you can’t do it. Set yourself reminders or put in extra the next day. Do not overwhelm yourself, take one step a day if you need to.

Here are my successful finds that work for me..

Dog treats – Peanut butter balls – My dog LOVES these!! He’s like a kid that knows where the candy bowl is. When he knows he’s been a good boy, he will stand at the fridge and wait for these!

Dinner – Philly Cheese Steak Sloppy Joes – I was so sick of Manwich! This was a HIT!

Brown Sugar Italian chicken – EASY PEASY! My only wish is that I would have marinated it all day. My husband is already asking for this again.

Yoga- I have been diagnosed with degenerative discs in my back and tight hips. My Doctor suggested yoga. I laughed at first, but IT WORKS!

Tight hips –



Getting organized – Since getting a full time Night job (7:15P-5A… that is also 35 Minutes away,) my house is chaos. I’m tired, the males are taking advantage of free evenings. – great blog with free printables

– I chose this one as step one – Reset challenge

Feet TLC – DIY foot scrub


All links above are to sites or pins I have found in my quest to better my life, all credits go to original posters. 



Giving picky eaters exposure to new foods

via Daily Prompt: Exposure

We all have our food quirks. We all went through that phase where our parents thought we were going to starve ourselves. If you have kids, you know the struggle. I know my parents struggled with me to eat peas.. my aunt told me my hair would turn purple and now I LOVE peas. I would never dream of eating Spinach or asparagus until in my 20s when my mother in law made me try them and now I love them.

If my bonus child had her way, we would only eat Biscuits and gravy, Mac N cheese, pizza, chips, candy, cereal, Grilled cheese, bacon, and Turkey sandwiches. This child has the strangest food choices mainly because everyone lets her get away with it. This child drives me nuts when it comes to food. She “hated” taco doritos… it’s all we had and she now begs for them. She loves fresh bell peppers but put them in food and they make the food too spicy. She refuses to eat anything with onions in it but will sit and eat White Castle sliders like she hasn’t been fed in days. She hates ketchup but loves plain tomato soup. She hates tomatoes but will eat cherry tomatoes like candy. She prefers nasty canned spag O’s over spaghetti.. will not touch goulash.

I hate explained to her it’s all in her head. We have tricked her into eating things and will get a “this is yummy” but when we explain she may or may not eat it again just on principle. My husband is passive about it because he too is picky, not as picky but still annoying to someone that likes variety. He hates cooked veggies. He hates beans. He isn’t a fan of casseroles. Unless it’s chili or potato soup, soups are off the table. His reasonings I can deal with.. he has tried them and dislikes them.

I made it clear when I moved in, things are changing in this house. She actually hasn’t been horrible. There’s been resistance, there’s been stubburness, but there have been plenty of aha moments for her also.

My kids are not picky. My twenty month old will eat anything. Daddy puts tabasco on his food she still eats it. Jalapenos… she will take a bite or two. Her dietary concerns are on the other end, she will eat as long as she has food to eat.

Through the week, I surrender for the most part to their “food” because I’m tired, I don’t want to cook and I don’t want to do a million dishes. I usually always try at least a new dish in the crockpot on the weekend, even if its a twist on something they already like. On a great weekend, I try two new dishes. It’s a rule that the kids must try what is cooked.

This summer it is my goal to get most of the junk out of this house. We tried planting tomatoes and peppers last summer. This year I vow to either have a raised garden or pot veggies. I’m going to dehydrate, freeze, and force veggie snacks. I’m sick of arguing over chips vs veggies..I want the processed crap gone.

I am a firm believer that if kids are introduced to new foods they will find new likes. Most of the time they do not like foods because someone else does not.

Child hates BBQ – so we are going to try this Honey and soy chicken

Child hates tacos but loves pizza – Mexican pizza

Child LOVES mac n cheese but it needs a twist – Mac n cheese with a twist

Child loves pizza but hates goulosh – Pizza bake

Follow me on Pinterest for more.. Here

Panic attacks and the unseen

via Daily Prompt: Unseen

In 2011, my husband of seven years just leaves and moves in with his girlfriend. I couldn’t walk out my front door without hyperventilating. I thought my asthma was flaring up. I dealt with it until I drove 30 miles from my apartment to my mother’s and felt like I was having a heart attack. I rush to the ER and they did blood work. I hate needles, I cringe at the thought of typical bloodwork. I hope to never have an ABG test  again. Having blood drawn from your artery instead of your veins is painful. The Doctor diagnosed me with anxiety and panic attacks. The nurse would not let me leave without a heart to heart. I will never forget this nurse. She opened my hand and placed an angel in my hand. she told me that she had been through it and everything would be okay.

My meds helped for the anxiety but I was still deep in depression. After a week of lying in my bed, I took the entire bottle of pills. I spent 72 hours on suicide watch after having drinking that nasty charcoal drink. They checked me out refusing to give me anything for depression or anxiety. The $7,000 hospital bill helped my will to live so damn much.


I ended up back at my mom’s, no job, no money, a husband that just couldn’t stop hounding me about getting the divorce papers signed. It was 3 months later, we finally got the divorce papers signed. Three months after that that he left me alone. I left out apartment in July weighing 180 pounds by November I was down to 130. Not because I tried but because even the thought of food made me ill.


In January of 2012, I pulled my head out of my ass. I got a job and quick feeling sorry for myself or anyone else for that matter. Life was not perfect after that but I was mentally okay. July 2015, in the middle of moving in with my now husband… I was just sitting watching TV and started feeling like I had OD’d on coffee. By later in the evening, I could not stand to be around anyone. A simple hello set me off. It was probably 2 months of this episode on and off. I’m assuming the stress of the move, working, and combining two families was the trigger.


January of 2016, chaos began in this house. We had a rebelious teen, people that can’t mind their own business, starting a company, money issues, custody issues, you name it 2016 threw it at us. I handled well until May when my son’s father started his insane case. even then I had forced myself to stay sane. In October, my husbands ex started her case. I’ve found that forcing myself to stay sane was the worst thing I could do. I wasn’t talking. I wasn’t venting. I was avoiding even thinking about what is going on. I was holding it all in and becoming angry.

Over the last few months, I have been trying to sort things out. I’ve been trying to adjust and finding less toxic releases. Trying to better myself. It’s not an easy process. You get pissed off when you fail.  As you can tell if you read through my blog I have failed several times.

My husband has been great since I opened up to him. He knew I had anxiety issues. He knew some of my triggers but was unaware of some. I gave him a run down of what I needed from him. He at first didn’t get it, he didn’t understand how overwhelmed I was.



The above picture fits in every aspect in life, not just fitness. I have been working on this, its not in total use but I’m working on it. I think it’s important. I have acknowledged that there are MANY aspects of my life that are unhealthy and need changed. My most important goal is getting my anxiety under control and getting mentally right. Let me clarify… I’m not “mental” in the aspect of dangerous to myself or anyone else. I’m just not mentally at my best. My mental state has me borderline depressed, my motivation is lacking. I’m fed up with randomly feeling as if I’m having a heart attack because I hear a certain word, I see a color, or the wind blows the wrong direction.

Taking one day at a time is a HUGE step in our family’s current situation. My husband and I have been working on this together as a team since we are both dealing with exes. We sat down and made a plan of what we hope happens and what we do if it doesn’t work out and left it at that, the rest is in the court’s hands.

Surrounding yourself with positive vibes is not as easy as one thinks. It can be hard to not dwell when things seem impossible. My husband and I set a rule, we can talk about our negative feeling with our cases at anytime and it needs to happen ASAP; anything else politics, anything that doesn’t have a direct impact on us we avoid.

The vision board and SMART goals we will be doing as a family this weekend. I think that it is important that we work on this together and with my anxiety I will not feel as alone in the progress.

Rewarding myself is different from most people. Some take it as a shopping trip or eating a piece of cake. Date night is my reward. Date night again…. not the same as most. Our date night is one night a month kid free, in our home, just chilling. We watch TV, enjoy the quiet, I get a hot bath, hubby makes dinner, concentrate on ourselves.

I do believe in myself. I have shitty days but in the end I know only my reaction matters. I can sulk and hate life or change it my damn self. I’m stronger than what everyone sees. I’m bettter than everything that people think they know.

I see 2017 being a great year. It may not be starting out that way, but we will all come out better and stronger. I will stop digging at myself.


Shower meditation to me is very important! On days that I do not have five seconds to myself except for my shower this is my twenty minutes of sanity. My husband has noticed that I will just out of the blue get up and shower and he has made a habit of asking if I wanted to talk about anything.

If you have anxiety, there is nothing to be ashamed of…….TALK. Don’t hold it in. Let others know what your body is doing. Let them know your triggers and that you may not know all of them. You may not even know why you are anxious, its okay.

Do you have anxiety? What are your triggers? How do you cope?


Dinner when you are overworked

via Daily Prompt: Overworked

Follow me Here on Pinterest

I love food! I love Pinterest! I love my crockpot! I have begun a routine of at least one meal a week is in my crockpot. Why? By the end of the week, the last thing I want to do is slave over dinner. There is nothing better feeling than loading the crockpot after I make the kids lunch and having free time for the rest of the day. Todays post is a few of our family favorites.

I did not write out the actual recipes as they are not mine, I found them on Pinterest and do not deserve any credit for them. I did provide the links to where I found them and the ingredients you will need. I hope you enjoy.

Beer can chicken – Yummy and moist! My husband didn’t understand the foil balls and the beer not actually touching the chicken but when he tasted it… he stopped questioning me. What you need – 


  • 1 (6 1/2 to 7 pound) whole chicken, whole


  • 1 tsp Garlic powder
  • 2 tsp Oregano, dried leaves
  • 2 tsp Thyme, dried leaves

Baking & Spices

  • 1 tsp Cayenne pepper
  • 2 tbsp Paprika, smoked
  • 2 tsp Pepper, coarse
  • 2 tsp Salt

Beer, Wine & Liquor

  • 1 can Beer


  • 4 (6-inch) strips Aluminium foil, each bunched into a ball

Slow cooker lasagna – My bonus child hates lasagna, not sure why she loves spaghetti. To satisfy her enough to try and because my hubby hates ricotta and cottage cheese I omitted these. They loved it and couldn’t get enough. My husband actually said the sauce was the best he ever had.

You will need – 


  • 1/2 lb Ground beef
  • 1/2 lb Italian sausage


  • 2 tsp Garlic powder
  • 1 Onion, large
  • 2 tbsp Parsley

Canned Goods

  • 1 (6oz) can Tomato paste


  • 1 (29 oz) can Tomato sauce
  • 2 tbsp Worcestershire sauce

Pasta & Grains

  • 1 (8 oz) package Lasagna noodles, regular

Baking & Spices

  • 2 tbsp Granulated sugar
  • 1 tsp Italian seasoning
  • 1/2 tsp Pepper
  • 1 1/2 tsp Salt


  • 1 1/2 cups Cottage cheese
  • 4 cups Mozzarella cheese
  • 1/2 cup Parmesan cheese, grated


  • 1 1/4 cups Water

Potato soup – I think the chicken stock was a little much. I think I would sub at least a cup of it with milk.

You will need – 

  • 6 slices cooked bacon*, diced
  • 3-4 cups good-quality chicken or vegetable stock
  • 2 pounds Yukon gold potatoes**, peeled (if desired) and diced
  • 1 medium white or yellow onion, peeled and diced
  • 4 tablespoons bacon grease* (or butter)
  • 1/3 cup all-purpose flour
  • 1 (12-ounce) can 2% evaporated milk
  • 1 cup shredded reduced-fat sharp cheddar cheese
  • 1/2 cup plain low-fat Greek yogurt or low-fat sour cream
  • 1 teaspoon Kosher salt, or more to taste
  • 1/2 teaspoon freshly-cracked black pepper
  • optional toppings: thinly-sliced green onions or chives, extra shredded cheese, extra bacon, sour cream

Honey Lemon chicken – I would honestly omit the lemon being cooked inside the chicken. To us, it was a little overwhelming. Next time we will just squeeze a lemon over the chicken after cooking. Other than that it was great!

What you need –


  • 1 Chicken, whole roast


  • 1 Lemon, whole


  • 1/2 cup Honey
  • 2 tbsp Lemon juice

Baking & Spices

  • 1 tsp Lemon pepper
  • 1 Salt

Oils & Vinegars

  • 2 tbsp Olive oil


  • 1/2 cup Orange juice, lite


  • 4 tbsp Butter

Crustless pizza – This is the house favorite to date! My bonus child has never ate dinner and said “Can we have this every week?” My husband was skeptical about the fact that it was crustless.

I served the pizza over buttered toast that was sprinkled with garlic powder. Instead of using hamburger.. we used breakfast sausage. Instead of using jarred pizza sauce I used a recipe that I also found on pinterest, it will be included also.

What you will need

  • 2 lbs Ground beef


  • 1 14 oz jar Pizza sauce

Baking & Spices

  • 1 Garlic salt
  • 1 Your favorite pizza toppings


  • 2 cup Mozzarella cheese
  • 2 cup Pizza blend cheese

Homemade pizza sauce – Instead of using the basil, thyme, and oregano..I just used Italian seasoning. I also omitted the bay leaf.

You will need


  • 1/4 tsp Basil, dried
  • 1 Bay leaf
  • 1/4 tsp Garlic powder
  • 1/4 tsp Oregano, dried
  • 1/4 tsp Thyme, dried


  • 1/2 tsp Lemon juice
  • 15 oz Tomato sauce

Baking & Spices

  • 1/8 tsp Black pepper
  • 1/4 tsp Salt
  • 1 tsp Sugar


  • 1/4 cup Water




Being specific – New Year’s resolutions suck

via Daily Prompt: Specific

They do, they really suck. When you set them, they seem reachable… most in reality are. Lose weight, take more you time, save money, etc; all seem easy enough. The problem is life happens. You think you are going to work out more or take more time to yourself but your seems to demand more. You try to save money but your hours get cut, the furnace goes out, something happens.  What happens? You feel like shit! You set a goal and had a no excuses attitude but life decided to make it nearly impossible.

One goal was to start a christmas fund. My husband hasn’t worked in 2 weeks. I have worked 21 hours since the 22nd. The little money I had saved back has been used.

My work-outs… didn’t last long. I lasted longer than I thought I would but my arthritis in my back (34 and moderate arthritis in my back..ya Im screwed) started to flair up, I’m guessing due to the cold.

My entire list fell through, I gave up. I feel horrible, I sit here today and tell you… I want the change I set out for. I have decided, I’m going to take a step at a time. One goal.. until its habit and squeeze another one in.

Today, I start with my Journal goal.


1.) Right now… I’m looking forward to our court crap being done. $4,500 in attorney fees for 2 custody cases has been finacially and emotionally draining. The court system is rigged and pure insanity.

2.) My three goals for this month. Get my budget in order. Make journaling a habit. Take as much Overtime as possible.

3) Running on little sleep, lots to do, I’m freezing

4) I look forward to my birthday! My husband and I did start a routine to try and help our marriage from falling victim to the enormous amount of stress. We take one Saturday night a month to ourselves. No kids to put to bed, just us. Even if we stay home we have a night of peace. The 28th is our next night which means I can wake up on my birthday and maybe get breakfast in bed.

5) I hope to never forget the look in my husbands eyes every time he tells me he loves me!

6) I would love to take a trip to Colorado this year. My husband has family there and I have only met a few of them. The issue we are having is money. I refuse to drive it so we need plane money.

7) My top priorities today are family time, staying warm, and at least getting the laundry and dishes done.

If I had a Superpower

via Discover Challenge: Superpower

If I had a superpower, I would erase all religions from the world.

If I had a superpower, I would rid the world of all childhood pain.

If I had a superpower, parents would put their kids first.

If I had a superpower, pedophiles and those that harm children head would literally explode the minute the thought crosses their mind.

If I had a superpower, one would go mute and lose use of their hands while trying to tell a lie.

I do have a superpower, I can teach my children to do no harm. I can teach my children that honesty is the best policy. I can teach my children that you can get along with others that don’t share the same views. I can better the world by not being one that leaves a negative footprint.

Regaining my Vigor – Day 4

3:30 Am wake up – Success!! It was amazing to have an hour to sip on my coffee and wake up before getting ready for work. I was not walking in and yawning until noon.

Journal challenge – 

Things I want to say to an ex…

You’re right I was an idiot… I fell for all your lies. You’re right I was crazy… I was crazy for waiting months for you to change your mind. The truth is you weren’t worth the tears. The truth is I don’t hate you… I actually have no feelings for you any more. The best feeling in the world is hearing your name or seeing your face and just seeing a stranger. I hope you find your peace in the world and change your ways. There’s not a woman in the world that deserves the pain you inflict.

21 day mental challenge – 

My challenge calls for making a bible reading plan. I loathe religion but miss dearly my reading. Soooo I will make my plan to finish a book a week again like I did 10 years ago.


Workouts – Today I start my new challenge


and done… feeling the burn.

Cleaning – done. Get off work… come home do laundry, cook dinner, do dishes, de-clutter and relax…. I love it.

Today, I feel really good. Having a direction instead of just wandering through life does good for the soul. Who knew?

Starting my New Year resolutions now

Regaining my Vigor – Day 1

Regaining my Vigor – Day 2

Regaining my vigor – Day 3